Stay Positive

“One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak.” Gilbert K. Chesterton

On Mother’s Day, I came down with a sinus infection that eventually put me in Urgent Care. I didn’t qualify for antibiotics so, I decided to go home and netty pot. I stood over the sink and said, ‘Wow, I felt that go right to my ear!’ Famous last words. Within a few days, I had a raging ear infection. It was the most pain I had been in since childbirth.

I was on painkillers round the clock over the weekend and in that time, in the dark of night, rocking myself and crying like a baby because of the pain, I asked God where He was in all this? Why would I need to experience such pain? Why did I get a debilitating ear infection right in the middle of planning two events for work and wrapping up homeschool and getting ready for a friend/consultant to come visit from California to help us with menu development for The Tavern? Why was this happening? What was God’s plan?

Well, I’d like to say I was very gentle and patient while I waited for Him to reveal this plan to me, but I wasn’t. At the same time that I was experiencing personal illness, a very faith-filled friend lost his battle with cancer leaving behind a beautiful family. I was struggling to see God in all this. I was struggling to see God at all.

Then I lost hearing in my left ear.

I realized I wasn’t ‘not seeing’ God, I wasn’t hearing Him. I asked Him what He was trying to say to me. What was I not listening to? What was all this about?

I ended up seeing a lovely new doctor and went on antibiotics… that didn’t work. And that is how I ended up in Dr. Callahan’s office.

I should preface, I am naturally a jerk. Not a nice person. Sure, I’ve got sweetness somewhere inside me sometimes but the goodness in me really comes from fruits of my spirit. I have been a better and nicer person since I became a Jesus-follower 13 years ago. One of the main reasons I remain a Jesus devotee. I remember who I was.

So, to be referred to a specialist in the tiny city of New Castle, PA gave me pause. The old me, the Larry David that I, or the Holy Spirit, manages to tamp down with the daily practice of continual prayer, was not too keen on giving over one of my 5 precious senses to a country quack.

I was sitting in the examination room waiting on Dr. Callaghan when I decided to google him. Yes, it didn’t occur to me to do this prior to making the appointment.

I saw that Dr. Callaghan graduated from Georgetown University. With ignorance, I concluded it must be Georgetown University of Pennsylvania or some such place.

Sitting in the chair, I realized that if Dr. Callaghan didn’t come in and get this examination going in the next 15 minutes, I was going to miss a presentation for a preschool group that I had committed to. I decided that I was going to walk-out at 10:30 regardless of whether or not I’d been seen by the specialist, even though I still couldn’t hear.

And after I made my internal declaration, I decided to pray, realizing that I actually do believe in a higher power than myself who cares about the minor details of each human’s life.

Dr. Callaghan swooped in just in time and gave me his full attention. He told me he was retiring in several months and he wanted to see me better before he did. I told him I didn’t have time for a full appointment. Dr. Callaghan wasn’t insulted that he had squeezed me in for an emergency visit and I didn’t even clear my schedule. Instead, he said, ‘Well you need to get out of here!’ And he came up with a game plan until my follow-up visit.

If he was a quack, at least he was a kind one.

During my second visit, I learned that Dr. Callaghan was the father of 4 children and he had attended the real Georgetown University. His children were dispersed around the country, and he was looking forward to spending time with his grandchild on the way in Denver, once he retired.

Continued hearing loss in the left ear called for a third visit in two weeks.

Still not hearing God in this.

Finally, two weeks later, round three. My hearing had almost fully returned so this was likely to be my last visit with Dr. Callaghan.

‘So how are you feeling?’ said Dr. C.

‘Good enough to have considered blowing you off if I didn’t like you so much,’ I said.

After a chuckle, a hearing test and a look in my ear, we discussed his upcoming retirement, then the Tavern. Dr. Callaghan told me how much he loved New Wilmington and how it still hadn’t gotten old for him despite moving here back in the 80’s. We got to talking about the kids he and his wife brought up here. It turns out they raised a surgeon, an entrepreneur in finance with an Ivy League MBA, a robotics engineer PhD candidate and a lovely daughter in undergrad who is the nicest girl in the world. Athletes. Do-gooders.

Without bragging or name dropping, simply by answering my slew of questions, Dr. C revealed that, between these four children, they hold degrees from or were accepted to the real: Georgetown, Stanford, Yale, Texas A&M, UVA, Boston College and Carnegie Mellon, to name a few. But this wasn’t what the good doctor seemed most proud of. He didn’t come off as boastful until he waxed on about how positive his grown children were. ‘They never say a bad word about another person. They are so positive. They’re good people.’

The Callaghan ‘kids’ are happy, healthy and kind and I must admit some intelligence on my part in requesting some parting advice from this specialist.

‘Before we go our separate ways, I want some advice,’ I said. ‘How’d you do it? What did you do right?’

Dr. Callaghan looked away for a fraction of a second and came up with three take-always for me as a parent:

1. Love your kids and talk to them about God.

2. Make sure they get good educations in reading, writing and math but don’t worry about the grades.

3. Stay positive.

And with these last two words, I hear a ringing in my ears (figurative, Dr. C). Truth. Conviction.

Points one and two come naturally. Our kids get a mini sermon every weekday of the school year. We talk about God and the fruits of the spirit continuously. These little lectures are as much to keep mummy on track as to guide the young flock.

A strong foundation in math, reading and writing, those are our academic priorities and, with the kids being so young, we don’t really grade them.

But his last point was like a barb, a thorn. It got stuck. Stung a bit.

I know plenty of parents who train their kids up in faith. I don’t know as many parents who weren’t’ concerned with grades. But I know even less who have been able to stay consistently positive through the trials and tribulations of raising a family, let alone fostering careers and maintaining a home.

In this very trying season of starting a business, homeschooling and renovating our old home, I must admit that I have not been consistently positive. In fact, it’d be fair to say my positivity is more like a ray of sunshine that slips through between the heavy clouds of frustration.

Dr. C told me he read a book years ago that said most people say 90% negative and 10% positive statements in a day. That ratio sounded right for me.

And as quickly as I realized that being positive may be the secret ingredient to raising positive resilient children, I also realized I was hearing God. And I felt a wave of gratitude rush through me. For my trial. It was worth it.

I don’t know if I’d have come to that conclusion on my own, that positivity was a key ingredient of…success, happiness, positive living. Seems like a ‘duh’ but I couldn’t hear. Or I wasn’t listening.

I once was lost, but now am found…

So, what now? I need to fill my final prescription from Dr. C, I suppose. There are no antibiotics for negativity. I can guarantee myself more struggles and setbacks. The restaurant isn’t’ even open, yet and the kids haven’t hit puberty. We’ve got a long row to hoe. But, to flip that coin, we’ve got a lot of opportunity to stay positive. And I am listening.

Amen